Unexpected Encounters: Cookies and Creamer to an Elephant's Genitalia and a Dutch Woman

I awoke early after a night of food and wine to embark on my first safari adventure. Thanks to my meticulous planning, I decided to ease into the world of big game viewing with a visit to Pilanesberg, a national park near Johannesburg. The park's name is a quirky blend of cultures, courtesy of the Dutch who colonized the region and added "berg" to everything, including Chief Pilane of the Kgafêla people, who ruled the region during the 1800s.

Uniquely-shaped creamer as seen in my hotel room.

One of the minor highlights of my stay in South Africa was the unique coffee creamer that came in a somewhat diamond shape, paired perfectly with coffee and English-style biscuits left in my room every morning. Fashion-wise, I had to navigate the African winter's cold mornings and hot afternoons without needing a wardrobe change in a Range Rover shared with strangers. I settled on a combination of Lululemon and Banana Republic, aiming to avoid logos that screamed "American tourist" and steering clear of loud colors that might startle the wildlife. I had read it’s best to avoid wearing logos that identify you as an American - a rule I still mostly stick to years later, though I’ve learned it probably doesn’t matter.

Learning to be single in the age of smartphones also meant learning to take selfies.

I snapped a photo as I was still working on my amateur selfie game and headed to the hotel lobby to await my driver. This time a van awaited and was filled with other passengers. We hit the highway and headed into the countryside. It took a few minutes to get used to the left-side driving. Another observation came in the form of a model of Volvo. My ex drove a Volvo that wasn't common in the United States but was plentiful on the roads of Johannesburg.

A moment of weakness led me to text him about it, but I quickly realized my mistake as I was one of the reasons behind this trip was to embark on a new chapter of adventure without him. "I'm seeing your model of car everyone on the roads of South Africa," I sent without thinking. He replied, "What the hell are you doing in South Africa? You never said anything about going to Africa." I think there was a part of me that wanted him to know that I was moving on. I sent a simple, "I wanted to see the wildlife," but, deep down, my desire was probably more akin to wanting to pour salt into a wound and tell him that I didn't need to tell him where I was going or what I was doing. He had met someone else and moved on without me, after all.

You get more plant value for your money on the roadsides of South Africa.

Arriving at Pilanesberg, I was excited to transfer to an open-air Land Rover, a sign that the real safari experience was about to begin. Spotting a baboon in the parking lot only added to my thrill, though I couldn't understand why everyone else seemed unfazed. I would later on learn that baboons are everywhere and can be rather destructive.

Joining my first group tour ever, I couldn't help but notice our attractive driver/guide, whose South African accent and safari garb added to his appeal. The trip started slowly, with sightings of antelope, which our guide humorously dubbed the "McDonalds of the Bush" due to their prevalence and every predator's reliance on them to survive.

My fellow travelers seemed to finally wake up from the early morning and drive to the park. Among us was a mother and daughter of two from Israel. They were on the trip before one of the daughter’s mandatory military service. They asked about me and my background and explained that they thought I might be Israeli because of my looks. Comments of this ilk have been a recurring theme throughout my entire life. Given that this was 2018, I wonder where they are now with the current conflict.

The Pilanesberg Greeting Committee

The trip got off to a slow start. We saw a lot of antelope dubbed the "McDonalds of the Bush" given that they're so prevalent and every predator eats them. Eventually, we stumbled upon zebras munching on fresh green shoots from a recently blackened burn area.

The highlight came when we encountered a family of elephants. We sat in silence, captivated by their interactions and the adorable antics of the young elephants. It was a truly awe-inspiring moment, made even more memorable by the charming driver guide.

He turned off the Land Rover and we silently watched the family. There was the eldest male, a few females, and several youngsters. It was unlike anything that I've ever seen. We all sat and watched the family interact with each other and eat, the babies being carefully guarded by their mothers with the occasional direction guidance using trunks as limbs and the sound of elephant breath.

I believe everyone on the tour and the driver felt the same because of the length of time we just sat in silence taking photos. Looking back on my iPhone videos, all one hears is the occasional sound of a camera clicking.

Anyone who can take a trip to Africa and experience this really needs to do so.

The guide came to when a teenage elephant took an interest in us and acted like he was going to rush the vehicle. The guide verbally expressed, "What are you doing? You look like you're up to no good," even going to the extent of putting his hand on a gun next to his seat. The adolescent beast was just pretending to run up against us in good jest. The moment passed without incident, but it was a reminder of the wildness of the African bush.

Elephant Chippendales: What they don't show you on Animal Planet.

We headed back to the parking lot to meet the driver for the trip back to Johannesburg. The safari guide was speaking to the folks in the back of the vehicle when, out of nowhere, a giant rhinoceros, one of the rarest creatures on earth, walked across the paved road like it was using it as their private runway. I was stunned into silence but also wanted to point out the huge animals. "Umm," I said pointing through the front of the Land Rover, "I think there's a rhino in front of us." The guide stepped on the breaks, which wasn't much given the slow pace at which we were traveling. We watched the rhino cross the road and then the guide proceeded to joke with me about my overly calm demeanor.

Best runway model of all time.

Returning to the hotel, I made a b-line to the hotel restaurant and treated myself to a delicious meal and dessert per the recommendation of my regular waitress named Wellbeing. The dessert that arrived was one of the most delectable things to ever touch my lips. I didn’t know this, but there’s a British tradition of calling many desserts “pudding.” This dish included a small cake, what I’d call an apple pile filling of sorts, and a crème anglaise sauce to die for. I spent the night at the same hotel a year later just to eat this dish because I'm crazy, but it was nowhere to be seen.

The evening then took an unexpected turn. The bar was filled with felicity and the crowd was composed mainly of Germans and Dutch merrymakers partaking in the phenomenal South African wine. A group of Dutch women started chatting with me over several glasses. I decided that I should call it a night. After excusing myself, I got up to go to my room and one of the Dutch women announced she also wanted to go to bed so she’d accompany me. We made small talk outside of the bank of elevators when one of the elevators arrived with a ding. We got in, hit our floor numbers, and then out of the blue, the woman pinned me to the wall and started making out with me.

One of the most delicious things I've ever eaten.

A random kiss from a random woman was not on my South African safari itinerary. Fear of people finding out my sexuality while I was traveling solo was constantly on my mind. The reason I chose South Africa as my safari destination was because it was the only nation on the entire African continent where being gay hadn't been criminalized.

I was flattered and terrified. Fortunately, my floor was on a lower level than hers so I exited the elevator first. I tried to politely tell her that I had an early morning the next day and then did a Usain Bolt to my room.

I went through my nightly routine of avoiding traveler's diarrhea and packed a bag to spend the following night in the famous Krueger National Park, then made my way to bed. My head was spinning as I lay in bed coming down from my elephant-high and the kiss from a random female that tasted like whatever she put on her lips. Perhaps, in the midst of grand adventures, it's the small details that bring us the most joy. Whether it's the taste of a delicious dessert or the beauty of a unique coffee creamer, taking the time to appreciate these little things can add richness to our lives.