From Museum to Culinary Murder and America’s Next Top Model

Somewhere between chaos and wonder lies the sweet spot where life's simple pleasures reign supreme – like stumbling upon lion cubs by the roadside, sharing a glass of South African Sauvignon Blanc with strangers, or inadvertently sparking a food-related controversy worthy of reality TV.

And, sometimes you don’t even know what’s happening and are completely discombobulated. These moments, the most awkward experiences, make for the best stories.

I was raised by a mother and three sisters who were experts at predicting my demise and often offered it when it came to sharing a bathroom. So, by the time I hit my 38th year, I was a pro at anticipating every possible catastrophe. I was fully aware of ways that I could meet my end on my first trip halfway around the world, particularly since I was going solo. I planned for every contingency. I splurged on first-class tickets, not just for the legroom, but for the peace of mind knowing I had a generous luggage allowance for my "just in case" survival gear.

My meticulous planning went into overdrive. I was convinced my flights would be delayed and I'd end up stranded in the supposedly terrible city of Johannesburg. Therefore, I planned to spend my first day at a museum and archaeological site, just in case cute animals were off the agenda due to flight delays.

Looking back, it all seems a bit ridiculous. The South African Airways flight was a dream, and Johannesburg turned out to be a delightful surprise. The food and wine scene is deserving of a chef's kiss.

After settling my phone plan issues and surviving a non-Uber driver debacle, I collapsed into bed, only to wake up bright and early for my museum/cave tour. I managed my water and coffee intake with military precision to avoid traveler's diarrhea and headed to the hotel lobby to meet my driver.

Sitting in the fancy lobby of a hotel opened by Prince Charles, I was approached by a man who correctly guessed I was me, given that I was alone and the only person on this trip. We made small talk on the way to the museum, where I learned about his journey from Botswana to South Africa for better economic opportunities and healthcare, thanks to welcoming policies established by Nelson Mandela after apartheid.

A recurring theme in my travels is that I don’t really have a clear idea of what I’m getting myself into. Perhaps tour guides assume tourists know more than what they actually do. Today's itinerary consisted of a cave with prehistoric archaeological artifacts from early man. I wasn’t prepared for the rest and wasn’t clear about what the driver told me to do because of his thick accent and my hesitancy to ask for more details at the risk of looking stupid.

The driver pulled up to a building that looked like a giant dirt mound with doors coming out of it. I wasn’t in a state of mind to enjoy the unique architecture because I didn’t know what was happening. I deduced that I was to go into the building, so I walked up, opened the glass doors, and proceeded to what I assumed was the ticket counter and bought a ticket.

Maropeng: Official Visitor Center for the Cradle of Humankind

“Just one?” the employee asked. I sheepishly replied in the affirmative given my embarrassment and fear of being alone.

Given that I work in the museum industry, this was a space that made me feel a little more at ease other than the hypervigilance associated with being halfway around the world alone and jet lagged from the ten-hour time difference.

I taught myself how to make Instagram stories during times when I was alone.

The museum was well-funded and fascinating, covering topics from Anthropology 101 that I'd long forgotten. The guided path through the exhibits felt like navigating an IKEA showroom, complete with arrows to prevent lost tourists.

Eventually, the path led to a corridor and double doors where a gallery attendant was waiting. I was a little confused, so I inquired about what was next.

“It’s an exhibition on the formation of the earth. Are you alone?”

“Yes,” I replied wondering why it mattered.

Then came the unexpected. I was ushered into a fake dark cave with a river, told to hop into a round raft, and taken on a journey through the formation of the earth. My thoughts ranged from "What the actual fuck?" to "Just go with the flow," and "How on earth did they build a fake cave inside a dirt mound?"

I also wondered about the impact of the water and humidity on the building and artifacts because I’m a museum employee.

What I recall is hearing about fire and ice while traveling through a giant hole. It’s probably a great experience to get kids excited about the museum.

Eventually, I made my way out of the museum where the driver was waiting. I found myself in another ticket line within 15 minutes or so, this time I was handed a hard hat that was obviously not made for construction and was too small for my head. This was required for a tour of an underground cave system known as the Cradle of Humankind. It was a paleoanthropological site with more human ancestral remains than anywhere else on Earth. Not quite the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin, but pretty epic nonetheless.

More exhibitions about the evolution of life awaited. They featured more fossilized ancient human bones, which I perused until I was told to join a group tour into an underground cave system.

The group that I joined was a mixed bag of people from everywhere. Included in the group were an elderly American husband and wife duo who were checking items on their bucket list. Speaking with them flooded me with mixed emotions. I was impressed with their self-empowerment and determination to hike through this cave system while also watching them stumble a little bit here and there.

I had a bit of an epiphany that would shape the way that I would travel in the subsequent years. I realized that I need to cross life's more challenging adventures off of my bucket list while I'm physically able and save the more accessible destinations for later. Hence why I haven't spent much time in Europe. That, and, well, it's expensive.

I turned in my too-small hard hat and got into my driver's car. We began the trek back to the hotel when we came across lion cubs at a game reserve on the side of the road. I jumped out of the vehicle to snap photos. I was thrilled at my first wildlife sighting, even if it was in a private reserve. Meanwhile, the lions could have cared less about yet another awestruck tourist.

After a day packed with unexpected twists and turns, I returned to the hotel, too exhausted to venture out for dinner and hesitant to venture out at night given everything that I had heard about Johannesburg. The hotel bar/restaurant offered a taste of South Africa's wine scene, and I took the waitress's advice on a local meat dish, which, unbeknownst to me, was from an animal featured in an America's Next Top Model campaign for Lubriderm. Cue the Photographer's accusation of culinary murder.

The delicious meal that I had just eaten consisted of an animal called a springbok. Springboks are a member of the antelope family, found in southern Africa, is the national animal of South Africa, and tasty with a glass of Pinot Noir.

As I sat there, savoring the remaining flavors of my unexpected culinary adventure, I couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Life, with all its twists and turns (sometimes literally through a blue manmade cave), never ceases to surprise. So here's to embracing the unknown, relishing in the awkward moments, and savoring every bite of the unexpected.